Wicked Pissah!

What a great day.

Last night was lovely, then woke up a bit early in need of the jets and was up. That led me to an early am discussion that felt like fireworks. A few more hours of sleep.

Then hung with dad before his way out. After that, laundry, writing, making contacts. All day. Gloomy skies, sunny skies. Some time fore exercise, enough time for great music. Working on the writing project. Nowhere to go. No car, no worries. A contact made to a local wine merchant who told me, though he'd never met me in person, that based on what I was saying, he would want to work with me. Out here, people don't say that unless they mean it.

Dad checked in a few times. I built a fire. I spoke to people I love. I did laundry. Worked on a manuscript. I listened to fabulous music, new and old. Later on, I was given free reign to make dinner in my parents' sensational kitchen.

Tonight marked the eve of a childhood friend's departure to New York City to embark on a career of culinary excellence. We convened in the first ever trendy wine bar in Andover history. It was a scene, man. Where did all these young professionals come from? I've never seen them in Andover before. The bar carried my all time favorite wine. First case I ever bought. Everyone in the village of its origin works, on one capacity or another, for the winery. Un colectivo. Cool staff who, of course, all knew my buddy. He deserves it, he's on to big things.

Back home to warmth and deep sleep. Good things.

Killer Times

In one night I get to see friends, family, and familiar faces. My mom, my dad, my sister, my cousins, my buddies, my friends.

Though, somehow, despite being in the heart of Boston, my season long Celtics blackout persisted. Odd.

The city was a mess, snow piled up along the streets made narrower. Slop and muck distressing the in-between. Still, I'm well trained to navigate the narrow and often one way passages.

From there, I was a happy chameleon. Mixed in amongst the lawyers and lawmakers at XXIst Amendment, the hockey fans at Hub Pub. Off to the Tam, where Bev recognized me and greeted me warmly though she hasn't seen me in probably a year. Then over to Remington's for the first active jukebox of the evening, despite the sought out presence of one at all our previous stops. K-Town's live journal was well received by the appreciative crowd and surely brought exciting new entries. A stop in Allston to see the one and only Dantana, a brief 10 minutes that mean more than a year doing much else. Just awesome.

The ride back home through Cambridge and Somerville was not only a groovy, sneaky route, it evinced the passage of time with corporate names replacing the singular hot spots of years past.

Snow everywhere. Slop in the streets. Frost on the windshield. Warmth in heart.

Good times.

Wonderful Christmas, with a Blizzard for dessert!

It has been absolutely wonderful to be home with family and friends for Christmas. Without question, this was the greatest Christmas I have ever experienced. Nothing but love, joy, and togetherness. Beautiful.

Yesterday brought in a legitimate blizzard, which lasted well into today. There was much shoveling to be done. I've been looking forward to snow, so I'm tickled pink at the moment.

Hope everyone else is happy and warm.

December 23rd, almost

The past 4 days have gone by in a blur. There was never enough time to accomplish everything I set out for in each day. I got a lot done, but nowhere near what I wanted to. Now I'm about 7 hours away from a cab coming by to pick me up for the airport. I still have a bag to pack and the apartment to clean.

I did see blue sky today for the first time in days, but that by no means brought the end of the rain. Last night sounded pretty intense. Made good sleeping weather. Today there were some brilliant moments over the beaches, but the rain persisted, so we had a couple of magnificent sun showers. And many grey showers as well. Take a look at the pictures, you can see how one moment of blue sky is immediately followed by dark storm clouds. The access road to the highway here is flooded. Good thing the city is pretty empty. The streets are a mess. Still, I enjoyed the sunshine today.

So now it's time to get ready for the journey back. Tomorrow is a full day of travel, through Dallas. Where I heard it was 75 degrees today. And some snow on the ground in Boston. Look forward to seeing that in person.

Preparations

More monsooning today, worse than any other day. I read that more than 15 inches of rain have fallen in the past few days.

At the same time, the city is emptying out. As my friend pointed out this morning, it's like college when everyone evacuates for holiday break. Bounced around today and have a few things left to take care of tomorrow. These free days flew by quickly. As I know it will be when I return home. I'll do my best to enjoy every minute.

After 6 hours of errands and shopping, I came home and downloaded the new Duran Duran album. Thrilling. Up to their usual excellence, as you can hear:

Stormy Weather

Despite living in one the most temperate climates in the world, I am about to be shut out of the second celestial event in a week. Last week a meteor shower. Tonight a full lunar eclipse. Two events lightyears in the making, and here in sunny San Diego, it's been clouded over and raining both times. It has now been raining for days, since Friday. As I said last night, I like it. But I wanted to see the eclipse. And the meteor shower.

Still planning to poke my head out the door to see if there is any view. Otherwise, I'm relying on eyewitnesses elsewhere in the world.

I ran around today doing errands, driving through the rain. It was balmy. Over 60 degrees. Did not feel like Christmas, even though I felt the spirit as I found gifts for my loved ones.

Got much done today. And pampered myself by making sticky rice with my dinner. I wanted a cheeseburger. Or a fried chicken sandwich. Or pizza. But I held out in full awareness of the coming holiday gluttony. So chicken stir fry with rice. Buttoned up, on a windy rainy night, watching a special on the Red Sox 1975 season, definitely content. Though as we all know, the final out of that season did not go in our favor. Nevertheless, as should never, ever be forgotten or taken for granted:
Thank you 2004 Red Sox for making the world a better place where dreams come true.


Heard this song for the first time ever last night. It's a solo song by Midge Ure of Ultravox, the co-writer (with Bob Geldof) of Band Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas," my favorite Christmas recording of all time. This song was written 4 years later, and is a general address to the state of the world at the time, a state that has not changed. I think the positive plea of this song makes it a wonderful message to send out, especially here at Christmas.











Christmas is just around the corner...

Head On

Waking up to a kick in the teeth is never welcome. But I still hit today head on. Despite my low balance, I was out buying Christmas gifts, and I got some good ones. Very colloquial. Of course it's not up to me, but my heart is in the right place.

I spent the bulk of the afternoon developing my website. Finally, after 5 months of being daunted, I will have a website. I have an angel out here on my side who is willing to design the site for free. As well as donate his time to make sure I have everything I need, business cards, etc. He told me this the other day, and we had this afternoon set aside to purchase my domain name. I knew that my business name would be available as a domain, it was. One of my accounts had just enough money to finance the site for a year. And my angel found a discount code, which save 20%, so I should have enough left over to finance the first round of business cards, which I have a template for and, my site is under construction. Given the state of the economy, there are not many restaurants that can afford an outside consultant. But with the way I present myself, these tools will help me with every wine/liquor sales/distribution job I apply for; not to mention every contact I make who asks if I have a card.

After that I made some chicken in white wine. As you can see from the pic, food is best when it is served hot.

And then I was determined, after getting fucked over last week by ridiculous outside forces, to perform at Tiki Bar. For the first time in 4 weeks, a familiar face was running the open mic. And no one wanted to go first, so I took that slot, which was the one I wanted. Everyone there plays 12 bar blues and bullshit singer/songwriter stuff on their guitar. No one expects to hear jazz standards. But I got up there and ripped through mine, "Stormy Weather." Which is a propos as it is alternately spitting and pouring rain in San Diego tonight. I like it here when it rains. I think I want to live in a tropical climate, where it storms every day. I love to watch the palm trees sway in the breeze as the waves crest higher and higher. I can now tell that this building is built for a temperate climate, because every gust of wind, which can't be higher than 20 mph, shakes my doors and windows. It is mild out. Temperate. And it feels like a winter storm. I find this both bemusing, and comforting. I am proud of where I am from.

So the performance went well. And, as expected, it was under 2 minutes. I came off to thunderous applause and many smiling faces who gave me leads and congratulations. Have to love San Diego for that, no one told me to go fuck myself. As a matter of fact, everyone asked me to play more, which I will do next time.

Remember the jazz history major I met at Tiki a few weeks ago? He was there with his buddies, one of whom is a killer chordal guitarist. They were some of my fans, that was cool. I got some leads on jazz clubs downtown. And, by way of comfort, I got some understanding about how closed off and territorial San Diego is, reassurance.

I'm proud of the way I spent my day. I also worked out a ton and watched the Patriots win based on Matt Flynn's inexperience in the final seconds. I'm glad it's raining here. It makes the abundant Christmas lights look appropriate.

The bartender at Tiki is going home for Christmas for the first time in 14 years. That is stunning to me. At Thanksgiving, I had more people that ordinarily blow me off come out of the woodwork asking me what I was doing. Seems everyone has plenty of friends and distractions, but not so much when it comes to family. That will never be my plight. I will be a success out here, and I will never lose my family. And my friends are my family, too. I can't wait to see you all at the end of the week.

p.s. Thank you, Uncle Tom and Aunt Tina, for knowing this version of "Stormy Weather."










Hope you like the song!

Up Against It

The challenges persist and grow. A corner once thought turned, turns into another corner. So here I am, still mired in the labyrinth.

A week ago, I was feeling very obstructed. I was pretty down. I didn't even want to go home for Christmas. About two days later, I caught a couple breaks, my spirits lifted. My outlook greatly improved and I began to feel fantastic. Then on Thursday night, the obstructions and frustrations began to roll in again. They have not stopped.

I had gone out and met a new round of people in the last couple weeks. Despite assurances of 'let's hang out for sure' they simply evaporated. The job I have has proved to be nothing but frustration. Frustration spent in an extremely hectic and busy mall, no less.

My need for context remains. One needs to be in front of, or part of, a group consistently to be remembered out here. I know that I'm not forgettable, I know that I make an impression. But I am constantly overlooked. Overqualified, underutilized. So I go on at my own speed, in solitude.

One of my neighbors here found out on Friday that he was being let go from his job. This was a major downer. Great guy let go for some arbitrary reason. A week before Christmas. We both smiled and said that it will only lead to something greater.

See, I'm not losing hope!












I have enough funds to last another month. I need a job that will allow me to subsist. That is my Christmas wish.

I am excited for Christmas and have not lost that optimism that came around a week ago. There will be more breaks in the wall and more light in the labyrinth. I've got my ax and matches.

Keep Trying, Everyday

Worked the promotions today and did decent, but it was an uphill battle. I had two occasions where I sold my entire audience, but those were audiences of 7 and 3, respectively.

As this job is obviously a boondoggle, I went to a meeting tonight for another opportunity. My skepticism was on red alert, but I still went straight after an incredibly peaceful and inspiring yoga class to a Double Tree Suites in Mission Valley (to envision this, wherever you may live, just think, Double Tree Suites(!). I changed from yoga gear to a full suit in the middle of the parking lot. Walked in and found a big to-do complete with slide show. Check in, name tags, club music (really) and, most importantly, direct check in with whoever had "invited" you. This was a multilevel marketing scheme. I tried to make a quick exit, but was thwarted by a flunkie who found my hostess, who then offered me a seat in the front row. There were over two hundred people there, all of whom could best be described as the great unwashed. There was absolutely no criteria to be an invitee. I walked right out the door.

And now the best part. As I'm walking through the garage where I was previously unrobed, I was approached by a rough looking woman who, in her fake fur coat, and heavy cheap heals, appeared seven or so years past her probable age of 38.

"Do you work for the hotel?" She asked.

"No."

"Well, you look very professional," she replied.

Get on with it.

"Is there a better place to park? I'm here for a meeting..."

"Is that for pre-paid legal services?"

"Yes! How did you know?"

At this point, I know she is 20 minutes late.

"I just walked out."

And now, from the first breath, as well as the entire conversation which ensued, hearing about her lost phone and busy schedule, I was hit by the full force tsunami of her breath, which enveloped me with an undeniable cloud of Jack Daniels.
Not bourbon. Not whiskey. Jack Daniels. Old No. 7.

It was 7 pm. And, from what I ascertained from the ensuing discussion, came on a night before two potential job interviews for this woman.

There I am, with the great unwashed.

I set off for Costa Brava, at least I could speak Spanish for an hour or so.

Cloudy Skies

The clouds remain over Pacific Beach. Can't even see the moon. So no meteor shower. This is payback for the warmth of the day.

Back to bed.

Step In The Right Direction

First off...honestly. Nobody has commented on this page in over a month. Is anyone still reading????


Woke up and embraced the weather. I went straight to the beach. On the way there, I was stopped at a traffic light and saw my friend Ruben, who works at La Costa Brava and who worked at the Institute where I studied in Spain, in the car alongside of me with his awesome dog, Bruno. They were going for a walk on this gorgeous day on Fiesta Island. First person I interacted with today, and it was a welcome surprise.

Hit the beach, obviously a good thing. It's the middle of December and there I was amidst the sun, sand, and bikinis. Good times.

Then I went to run and exercise, and for the first time in my life I did a set of 60 pushups. It wasn't intentional. Normally I top out at 50, a number which won me second place in the Cactus Club impromptu staff challenge on a slow December night 9 years ago. Artie Barnes, a starting football player for UMASS and fantastic guy, finished first with 80. 80! Today I did 60. Came out of nowhere. Awesome.

Got a lead on a couple jobs. One tomorrow, could be a scam, but we'll see. The other was a trendy wine bar in North Park (my favorite area). I walked in and immediately wowed the owner while simultaneously intimidating the manager. His big curveball was, "what are your favorite two varietals?" I knocked that one out of the park and I could just tell this guy wouldn't let me near the place for fear of his own inadequacy. Still, the owner liked me and was very kind. And, as it turns out, there really is no position. They are looking for some bitch to come in and work the dead ends of the holidays while the rest of the staff is on vacation.

Through my buddy, I got an invite to an industry party tonight. I recognized a number of people and was even warmly greeted by some of the industry folks. They even knew my name. Pretty impressive for Southern California. I made some new contacts and managed to hold my own after being left on my own, as opposed to being overcome by shyness/insecurity and going home to sulk.

On the way home, I noticed a thick cloud enveloping Pacific Beach. The moon, along with Orion and the twins, Castor and Pollux, the epicenter of tonight's meteor shower were consequently obscured. I set my alarm for two hours from now. We'll see if the view is better then.

Woah! Cliff Lee signed with the Phillies! That sucks for the Rangers, and is totally awesome for the lowly Yankees! The Boss would have never stood for that!!!!

Sunny Monday

It is 74 degrees today at the beach. Pretty sweet.

December Saturday

Rushed down South to go to work. It was 80 degrees in El Cajon today, which is just incredible. Back in the beach area, it was around 66. But the harbor and the bay were alive with sails. In fact, the harbor had a huge destroyer coming into port.

Tonight I met my buddy who was hanging out with some members of his improv troupe out in University Heights. Uni Heights is an inward part of, more or less, downtown San Diego, abutting North Park. 30th street is a highlight of the neighborhood, this year voted by Playboy magazine as the best street for bars in all of the United States. This area is one of my least favorite parts of San Diego. It is just a simple, inland commercial area filled with hipsters. Come on. It's San Diego. Where is the beach? Where are the blondes? Why do I have to pay two dollars more for a drink and five dollars more for an entree here when your clientele is about as exciting as drying cement and it took me 15 minutes to find a parking space? Plus, the homeless people in this area are very aggressive. And a number of the patrons look like they should be homeless.

Still, I got to hang out with my friend. And he commended me on my knowledge of San Diego, and he is a lifelong resident. I did, after an arduous search, find a trendy lounge with reasonable prices and got something to eat. Though the barbecued chicken flatbread I ordered to the one I had at Jamba Juice the other day, there were some friendly patrons and a bartender who was first rate. She really understood the business and how to serve. I love it when that happens. Then I went to meet the members of the improv troupe at a bar and found myself getting mocked and insulted by the twerp bartender because I ordered a glass of wine. He reacted as though I asked him to cobble my shoes. This was a beer only bar, which I extracted from his obnoxious and insulting return. I politely flattened him, and did not spend a dime in the establishment. HIs reaction could best be described as confused and/or stoned.

My buddy and I hit a lounge I knew around the corner with the best wine by the glass list I've seen in San Diego. They offer Torremoron, the first and only wine that I ever bought a case of. The place itself is nothing special, but when they feature Kermit Lynch wines you know that you're in a place that gets it, despite the expansive gaps between patrons. Which may be determined by the fact that they sell Torremoron for $9/glass. A bit much. Distributors on the East Coast sell the same wine for a bout $9/bottle. But this wine is very special, and it comes from a tiny village in Northwest Spain where every single resident works for the production and/or distribution of the winery. As for the clientele in this bar, which is imaginatively called El Take It Easy (lame), plenty of beards, plenty of hats, a huge number of empty seats, and very few women.

My cd player picked into Otis Redding, which is always welcome. And I was brought back to the June Saturday in my hometown of Columbia, Missouri where I picked it up. And I could think of all the moments I've had in the past six months when it was playing.

We're on the verge of the new year, and I'm going to turn the corner out here.

December Friday

I was the guest of honor for a genuine friend's birthday dinner. We went to the best sushi restaurant in San Diego. The food was impeccable. As fresh and flavorful as fruits off the vine. Amazing.

Afterwards, we went to a bar I know, and ended up playing pool with a couple of Afghanistan war vets, who were stand up guys. My friend showed me a few things about billiards. And, despite my temerity, I held my own, and my friend gave me some great pointers to hold my own. Turns out, he's a pool shark. I had no idea.

At the same time, I was complimented on my knowledge of the city. By native San Diegans, no less. Later on, I brought my buddy to a bar I haven't been to since August. The bouncer greeted me like a life long friend, no pretense, genuine happiness to see me and awareness of who I am. Pretty cool.

Before we left, caught up with my neighbors who had done the building's Christmas decorations. They have more in store. They invited me to a tour of neighborhood Christmas lights, and their dog Lilly came over to offer her affection.

Nice night in San Diego.

By the way, Big T, you're right in my heart, and I'm thinking of you, amigo.


As for the clips below, I listened to New Order's Get Ready in its entirety upon retiring. One of my favorite albums. And very a propos.

Lighting Up The Tree

Happy Friday everyone. Another slog through the day, selling only 11 sets. I do still get plenty of compliments and commendations, but no sales. However, I did have a nice moment where a little girl, maybe 3 years old, who was rather impetuous, wanted an apple. This was probably because she had seen one on the stage, though her mother and grandmother didn't think of asking. I offered it to them, after seeking their approval first. They were happily surprised and the little girl was delighted. With her soft voice she gazed up at me and said "thank you" and then, as they all turned to leave she turned back and blew me a kiss, which managed to land right on my cheek.

After work I went straight to the beach. It was warmer today, about 60. Despite having brilliant sun all day, the beach was still mired in clouds. I thought it was lovely and if I'd had my suit I would have gone swimming. Instead I watched the waves, and was excited to see the lights on the tree.

Christmas Lights On Ingraham

I came home tonight to a very pleasant and welcome surprise, my neighbors put up Christmas lights on their side of the building. In an instant, this challenging and awkward new city became instantly more welcoming.

It is a very foggy and chilly night here in San Diego. Chilly here means 48 degrees. That is not to rub it in, just to articulate the difference. Anyone who's visited SD knows there are a number of homeless people, but if you were homeless, where would you rather be, Buffalo or San Diego? On the radio tonight I heard an ad for a coat drive. These are common this time of year, but here a coat can really make all the difference for someone. That was an interesting realization. As for the fog, at 2:30 this afternoon I set out for Chula Vista. There was a cloud lying right on top of the water over the bay, so as I went to head over the bridge off of Crown Point, I could not see 10 feet in front of me. As I drove south along the 5, I could see that cloud stretched all the way from Coronado to La Jolla. But where I was on the highway, only half a mile inland, there were clear skies, and all the planes were landing without trouble at the airport, which sits right against the harbor. Interesting sights.

A few people have said "Merry Christmas" to me lately, usually some nice person who watched one of my shows at work. They didn't even necessarily buy anything. Against the setting, it's pretty unexpected, but very welcome. And then, come to think of it, this is such a hectic time of year, and even all those Decembers on the East Coast that tiding wouldn't always ring through. When someone means it, you feel it. When it's forced upon you, it's kind of annoying. No matter where you are, Christmas is in your heart.

Time for bed. More carnival barking tomorrow.

Couple Cool One-Sheets

On Monday I went to the movies for therapeutic purposes. I saw Wild Target, which unfortunately was rubbish. Still, I'm not passing up any chance to see Bill Nighy in a lead role. He's one of the most entertaining actors around. And Emily Blunt ain't so bad either.

Stepped upstairs to hit the jets on my way out and there were a couple of cool European one sheets and I wanted to share them.

New Tags

California license plates. Had no idea how much these were going to cost me.

backed up

9:58 am:
80 minutes and counting waiting in line @the dmv. I'm almost up to the front door...



10:12 am:
The woman behind me is chattering away in Tagalog on her phone.
The guy in front of me is listening to songs on his phone. 'Lost In A Forest' and 'Set Me Free' were the most recent selections, though I doubt he's using the songs as an expression of frustration.
An old man creaking by on a walker was just dismissed & sent to the back of the line when he inquired about the wait.



10:22 am:

Now seated with call number B059. They are currently serving B041.
And so it goes...



10:57 am:

While the A, C, and J numbers are ticking through rapidly, we are only up to B045. One older couple has been at a B window the entire time I've been sitting.
If I were to drop the paperwork in the mail, it would take 4-6 weeks for delivery of the registration & plates.
I could make an appointment, but the soonest appointments are 5-6 weeks out.
In either case, from the day I completed the paperwork & smog inspection (Nov. 29), I would not be getting the updated plates before departing back to Boston on Dec. 23rd.


11:41 am:

I took a break to go get gas and stop by Einstein's Bagel Co. For some food & tea. I got an egg white flatbread with swiss cheese, asparagus, and mushrooms. Though they didn't state it on the menu, it had some mayonnaise based sauce on there, which pissed me off. Still, the menu stated it was only 280 calories total, so I'll live.

Back at the DMV. We're on B053. I want to be out of here before I hit the 4 hour mark.

12:05 pm:

And I'm out the door with the new plates. Under 4 hours!

Holy Cannoli!

The Red Sox sign Carl Crawford 3 days after acquiring Adrian Gonzalez???!!!! And the news was broken to me by my friend and ardent Yankees fan Flex???!!! Tell me I'm not dreaming! Does this mean we are finally rid of JD Drew??

After yoga I came home, wrote on the blog and played some sax. I also talked to the Dantanimal for a bit to help, as always, restore my sanity. Then I went out to sit with a film industry discussion group where I thought I might be able to make some connections. On my way there, I got the text from Flex. I didn't believe it was possible. Did anyone see this coming? No. Earlier today I thought Texas got him and I was pretty relieved about that, as long as he's not a Yankee, I'm cool. But this is pretty killer.

Other than a handful of trail mix, I didn't eat tonight. Fortunately, perhaps dangerously, I am in Southern California and In 'N Out Burger is open until 1am. So I went through the drive through (what presentation of drive through food!) and brought home my 'animal style' double-double to watch some baseball coverage.

Couple peripheral bright spots shining through on a difficult day. Go Sox!


Check out The Palm's get up in the first few seconds of the clip---white slacks, no socks. This was when he was living in the Bahamas. This is who I want to be...
And this version beats the shit out of the Jermaine & Michael Jackson original.

Robert Palmer - Tell Me I'm Not Dreaming
Uploaded by jpdc11. - Explore more music videos.

I Need A New Reed

The other day I wrote about how a new reed improved my tone on the saxophone like night into day. This was exhilarating. For months I had been so frustrated to play and sound decent, but always feeling miles away from where I want to be and lightyears away from I used to be.

Today was an extremely frustrating day. I sold 5 sets today in five presentations. On three occasions, I made presentations where no one bought a single set. This doesn't feel good. Then when you think that you've spent 6 hours exerting all this energy to make $22, and you have no idea how you can buy Christmas presents for everyone you care about, to the point where you don't ever want to go home again out of shame, it's a rough day. There were plenty of other disturbances of course, all part of the continual broadside, all access beating that I signed myself up for. Then, when you look for light, you get shut down by a voice that seems only to ascend higher and higher without you near. I really do feel useless. Afraid.

The other day I found an astanga yoga class at a studio in Ocean Beach. I had planned to go and looked forward to it all day. By the time I arrived I was seething, and desperate. The class was very challenging, I saw a few poses I had never seen and didn't think were possible. But I was welcomed, and though I couldn't keep my breathing together or clear my mind, I kept at it. At a few different points, I pleasantly surprised myself. More importantly, I never wanted to give in, which is a feeling I often had in classes back East.

As I sat in shyvasana, my mind began to drift through all the shit I've been feeling. Then my mind landed on the image of that reed. That one exchange made all of my work and experience come to fruition, after months of banging my head against the wall. So now I know that in my life I need a new reed. I have been working hard, exploring every avenue, working to better myself, strengthen, and broaden my horizons. I need a new reed to make it all better. I don't know what my old reed was, or my current one, or what the new one will be, but I need it. And I am going to find it.

Intersections

I remember a Saturday night when I was in high school. I was cleaning the bathrooms of my parents' house without thinking much of it. My dad came upstairs as I was cleaning the upstairs bathroom and asked me what I was doing, and why I didn't have something better to do on a Saturday night. He was frustrated for me. At that moment, I felt happy about the task, but felt his frustration was a huge vote of confidence in my favor. Contrary to popular belief, most of my Saturdays in high school were lonely ones.

Tonight I broke off any other engagements (which were minimal, at best) to go to the Tiki and play. I brought my horn. Unfortunately, none of the musicians I knew showed up. This was the first time ( out of 7) I have been there and not seen the same cast of characters. So no performance. I did play at home beforehand, and a new reed has greatly enhanced my tone. But I was denied. So I shrugged off into the night. On a good note, I did meet a jazz history major (former military, can't make that up) and I was able to promote Pete Robbins, so that is awesome.

Tonight, Sunday night, was my Saturday. I work again on Tuesday. I am nowhere here. I have friends. I have contacts. I have a job. None of this is sufficient, but I will say that I am developing some quality friends, thanks to this shitty job. But yeah, it's a lonely existence. I got shutout. But I played a bit tonight and felt great. I'll get the chance to get up there and kill. As it turns out, I met some musicians tonight that might be another avenue for me. I'm not out here to be a musician, but at this point I want performance to always be a part of my life. So I'll take it and look for a better day tomorrow.

I had deja vu earlier today. I always trace deja vu to previous dreams. Therefore, I know I am on my path.

Hope everyone is sleeping well out there. Perhaps dreaming of Adrian Gonzalez.

Sunday Slow Down

So far, today has been an excellent day. I went up to Carlsbad to do see the outlet stores, pretty impressive complex. I had a Reebok gift card on hand and, in honor of the outstanding trade for Gonzalez, picked myself a sweet pair of kicks. I'll use them if I'm ever in a hip hop video.

Eschewing the highway for the 101, I drove along the coast and stopped at South Carlsbad State Beach for some reflection and wonder. Overcast hear today, but still very beautiful. I overheard numerous people at the mall talking about how "cold" it was outside, and they were all bundled up in deep Fall clothes. I was wearing shorts and flip flops. It's 60 degrees. The beach was magnificent. I spent most of my time wading in the water. A couple groups of pelicans glided by on their way down the coastline. Great waves. Sky and sea of so many silvers, blues, white, and reflections of pink and orange.

I took my time on the way back to curl along the coast, mimicking the path of the pelicans. Once I made it home I made a nice meal, penne with chicken with red peppers and sage in a white wine sauce. The pasta was whole wheat durum, but it's still an indulgence. This was my first meal of the day, and it was delicious.

Meanwhile, my iPod is on a roll. Check out a few of the selections.

Xmas Pier

Went straight to the ocean after work today. Here's a glimpse of Christmas time in San Diego.

Traffic Reward

It took me an hour and forty minutes to get home yesterday, the trip would normally take only 40 minutes. Once I finally got onto the coastal roads in La Jolla, I got to take a look at the sky lingering over the water, the sun already set. This was my reward.

Small Pleasures

Finally, a meal at home. Cooking is one of my greatest pleasures. And now that my iPod is back in action I am that much happier. I need music. When I come out of the shower and hear the shuffle blasting Tom Jones and Dusty Springfield singing “Upside Down,” I’m a happy man. What do you think?

December 2.

Some internet interference has knocked out access for the building. Not cool.

Woke up today for some great news from Beantown on our tough situation. The vice began to ease up a bit. And the distance eased some as well, as I shared both relief and joy with my family.

I had some time to exercise and organize before heading down towards the border, Chula Vista again. The day was another challenge made possible by our mismanagement, but fortunately we did not have any altercations. I met another colleague today, who is bright and reasonable, and equally perplexed by the supercilious comportment of our higher ups.

Before heading home, I got a call from my mom. I had never been happier to hear from her. She was in great spirits. The mercurial dusk grew brighter, and I went back north towards San Diego.

Some pictures for you. Saw some landscaped chive plants that have flowered, interesting choice. And this is a taco place that I stopped at in a purely American strip mall. Inside, though, Spanish only, no English. And one of the best quesadillas I’ve ever had, knockout guacamole, too. Experiences like this make me very content.

Better day than yesterday. Way better.


And this song, is well worth it. Richie Havens and Groove Armada. First rate.

Fuerza

Today was a challenge. Without question. Started off optimistic, and remain optimistic, but just about all that transpired in between sought to rob me of optimism. There's no great scheme against me, there's no great force, just a bunch of shit that piled up today and made it, well, memorable.

For the second day in a row, I went down to a hotel that I had a lead on only to find out that there were no open positions. At the one today, there was a drop box for applications waiting to be reviewed. The previous submission came back in September and was still awaiting perusal. Thought I'd return an AC charger for a bit of extra cash but pressing legal matters closed that window pretty quickly.

But before I could get home, I had to stop by to meet my colleague who had been denied work today because our boss had been caught in a traffic jam and did not set up the booth. That's a great thing when you're on salary, it's really a kick in the balls when you're on commission. So, with a quick handoff of produce in a mall parking lot, I went home to produce an affidavit. Unfortunately, the printer my friend loaned me refused to cooperate, so that was a boondoggle. A quick set of pushups, a handful of trail mix, and I'm out the door for the 40 minute ride to my station for the day's live infomercial.

When I arrived, the booth was still languishing. Our new manager was setting it up, and not all that interested in pleasantries. I set about getting ready, remaining in a positive frame of mind. Earlier in the day, I had thoughts of selling an unprecedented number of sets, and I channeled that goal as I alternately set up and stayed out of the way. My manager was clearly anxious about getting some product moved, certainly frustrated about already losing half a day, and I'm certain pretty annoyed after sitting in hours of south LA gridlock. He pressed me to do a show, which was fine with me, except he was still standing on top of the booth trying to adjust the lights. And answering every single phone call he got coming in...

I did the first show. The results were poor. I hadn't even been given access to the booth or to our back stock, which I need to have an accurate count on in order to hand in my numbers. Any discrepancies can cost me money. And since I only made $316 for my first week of official work, I didn't want to worry about any possible discrepancies. Our lights still weren't working, so I told my manager about and there he was, back up on top of the booth. I suggested that I could go count our stock while he fixed the lights. He asked why. I explained why, and the next thing I know I'm getting criticized and belittled out of nowhere. In an attempt to diffuse this, I physically stepped back and changed my body language to convey that I was in no way trying to be combative. This attempt was lost on him. So the tirade continued and, with my words proving absolutely futile, I closed my mouth, looked away, and waited for him to finish. Did I mention that I had only met this guy 40 minutes before? After being denied the right to go count, I left to go get some water and read my script.

It had taken just about all of my patience not to turn around and tell this guy where to go. I could easily have ripped him apart, and in years past, I would have done this without hesitation. But, with one hundred dollars of receipts outstanding, and feeling my world avalanche down on me, I held back. I spent the rest of the day showing a shit eating grin and offered a nice laid back, 'yeah, let's do this, wow! that's helpful, thank you!' attitude. I was not obnoxious. I had no idea how I got into an antagonistic discussion with this guy in the first place, so I wasn't going to risk any kind of sincerity. I played the role he wanted, I am dumb. I know nothing. I am grateful to you for knowing everything and helping me to achieve more today. You want to talk about acting, that was some of the most challenging acting I've ever done.

Finally, hours and hours later, I got a minute to myself and call my mother. She's the one person I had on my mind and the reason why I didn't let any of this other crap bother me too much today. But once I did get to talk to her, I felt absolutely hollow inside for being so far away. Standing outside of an Escondido shopping mall, I felt completely adrift and useless. I wanted to be home, I still do. I don't think I've ever felt farther away.

Back inside to finish up my shows, very few takers. In a strange height of peculiarity, a pregnant woman gave me her phone number (unsolicited). Ostensibly this was so that I could call her to let her know where we'd be demonstrating next week after she received her paycheck. Nevertheless, it felt like something far different, and whether it was or whether it wasn't, this was undeniably sad.

At the end of the night I finally did my count. No surprise, the numbers were very far off. Fortunately my phone had died by this time, so I'd delay that update for a little while.

After that, it was over to FedEx/Kinko's for a reprise of the document delivery. The laid back Southern Cali attitude of the staff was pretty vexing, but one of the ladies who helped me was very polite and friendly, making this humbling errand a bit more manageable.

Now, throughout most of this eventful work shift, one of my colleagues was present in the mall while he and his girlfriend were doing some Christmas shopping. This was both comforting and reassuring. And that's how I found myself at my first Olive Garden, where I met them after FedEx. It was 9:30. We were the only table left in the place. And although I was slightly horrified (Italians don't step foot in The Olive Garden, Mexicans don't go to Taco Bell, and the Chinese don't eat Panda Express), it felt really nice to sit with some cool and understanding new friends out here on the other side of the country. The flatbread pizza (ordered without the Alfredo Sauce) I got wasn't bad either, it was also the first meal I had since I made steel cut oats at 8am this morning. {Quick side note, steel cut oats take forever to cook. They're healthy and taste good enough with the addition of berries, cayenne pepper and honey, but speed it up!}

On the way home I had to report my numbers--to three different people--and then endure a twenty minute discussion on the day with one of them. Then I made stops to drain my bank account further for $40 of produce and about the same amount in gas. This is a typical day with this outfit. Tomorrow I'll be going 40 minutes in the other direction for my presentation. Actually, that's not tomorrow, that's in about 6 hours.

Today I experienced some of the scariest and moments of my life. On top of that, I had to deal with a whole bunch of bullshit, and minor annoyances. But I don't believe for a second this was an awful day. I can't get out of the reality that today brings. On one level, I brought on this reality. And as Sophocles told us, "the greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves." I can't go back. I can't erase anything. I can only control my attitude right now. I can only look forward to making tomorrow better and each day afterward better. And for that understanding, I have to say that this is not a bad day. It is a good day. Not one that I ever want to repeat of course, but hey, what can you do. My parents always told me that I always have to learn things the hard way. But I can't be the only one. Rodney Dangerfield says the exact same thing in Back To School. That's in reference to his son wanting to do his own Astronomy paper...

I love you, Mom. Wish I wasn't so far away right now.

Happy December

With the start of the new month, I wish everyone a strong finish to the year. May we overcome obstacles, strengthen our love, and look towards the new year and holidays with bright and positive eyes.

The Feaster Five

Here's a wrap up on The Feaster Five. Michael and I ran last week on a brisk and beautiful Thanksgiving morning. Just saw that I ran with an 8m40s/mile pace and was the 653rd person to cross the finish line. After mile one, I thought I would be dramatically better than that but I slowed down a bit and thought many times about giving up, though ultimately I decided against it. The race is a very fun and healthy event which I recommend to anyone who is in the Merrimack Valley on Thanksgiving.

The Green Flash!

Yes! Tonight I saw The Green Flash! You won't be able to tell from the pictures, but it was an incredible wave of light that resonated throughout the sky at a few different moments. The sky was streaked with purple, orange, yellow, 3 different shades of blue, from powder to midnight, and every couple minutes, for a few seconds you would see bands of green emanating outward.
It was beautiful and exhilarating.

It's been a bit on the chilly side here, in the 50s. Christmas decorations are up. Despite the nice weather, there is a touch of winter.

I stopped by the waterfront to watch the sunset with no inkling of what lay in store. I heard a couple homeless guys talking about the green flash, figured it was not to be. But it was. So cool.

New old tune I discovered last night, enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving

Wishing everyone a warm and wonderful Thanksgiving.

Back In Beantown

Back with loved ones. Back to guilt. Great day. I miss it here. But I'm happy I made the choice to be where I've gone. It was the right thing to do. The new Louis store is crap, it looks like a tricked out garage. The Barking Crab is still fun but now way overpriced, it's not Legal Seafoods. Being in the same time zone and personal space of so many friends and family is really fantastic. Thank you all.

And Florence and the Machine really have great taste in music.

Performance

My Sunday night was based around seeing one of my fellow actors perform with his improv troupe. This event was even detailed on Facebook. Our compatriot was there with his girlfriend and her friend and our buddy was at the table, heralding a night of celebration. Unfortunately, the troupe had the intention of focusing on the senior members, and relegating the newcomers to the background. This frustrated us, though there was no way we would have missed it.

Feeling as though I left empty handed, I decided to stop by the Tiki Bar on my way home to touch base with the musician friends I had made earlier and somehow, through articulate diplomacy, explain that I was for real as a musician. The first question was, where's your horn? So I said I'd be back in 10. And 14 minutes later, I was onstage, playing saxophone in front of the public for the first time in far too long.

I'm happy for this development. This picture is from my friend, on his earlier visit to San Diego. But this is where it all went down.

Inspiration

Yes, life's a struggle these days. But I get to see this on my way home.

Cardiff By The Sea, CA, 11.20.2010.

All Wet

I hate umbrellas. They are a pain to carry around, are easily thwarted and destroyed by the wind, and are far too easily left behind once you've reached your destination. A few days before heading West, my girlfriend gave me an umbrella. Not just any umbrella. The coolest umbrella ever. On the outside it was a blue and white striped umbrella, but it had a strong, determined structure that wouldn't bend easily in the wind. And, on the interior, it had a print lithograph of Giselle Bundchen smirking in only her bikini bottoms. Now this is an umbrella. Of course, thinking I wouldn't be able to use it in sunny San Diego, I left it behind. I miss it. Could have really used it today, as it is still pouring out. I stopped to get gas and felt very at home getting pelted by wind streaked rain. Got back in the car and heard this absolutely fantastic song on the radio, fitting. It's a rainy Saturday.

November Rain

Waking up to a rainy day in San Diego. Legitimate rain, complete with wind, not just some heavy mist. ON the way home Thursday I heard a forecast on the radio calling for rain, which I found kind of novel out here. Though it is November 20th, I don't really feel that Thanksgiving is under a week away, and Christmas is next month. Even though for the past three weeks I have been working in shopping malls and, consequently, bludgeoned with Christmas music. Looking forward to going back to Beantown, I figure then it will click.

One Of Those

Went to put new sheets on the bed this morning. Apparently the spare set shrank in the wash and, rendered useless for its rue purpose, has been ripped up for its new duty as a collection of floor cleaning rags.

Sat down to update the new iPod with the resurrected computer. The iTunes library, comprised of over 1000 albums all sitting 3000 miles away, is temporarily lost.

Went to the grocery store to pick up some produce for the infotainment presentations. The required cantaloupes were out of stock.

Needing quarters for the laundry machine, went into San Diego Credit Union. Upon entry I was forced to remove my hat. Then I was told that, as I did not have an account, quarters would not be provided in exchange for cash. Consequently, SDCU will never be my local bank.

Went across the street to the laundromat to exchange my ten for quarters. The machine interred my bill then spit it back out. I went to withdraw it but the machine wouldn't let it go. Suddenly I had half of the ten dollar bill.

Went next door to the dry cleaner to explain my situation. Initially I was told there was nothing they could do. A quick articulation of the situation beckoned a manager who, after taking a phone call, accepted the ripped ten and provided me with two fives. Back next door to the other change machine, quarters at last.

A run on the bay helped relieve some of the anxiety.

Let's see how the rest of today goes.

Take The Good With The Bad

I spent yesterday morning doing yoga on the beach. I spent this morning standing in line at the DMV. I was there for two and a half hours.

Yesterday was better.

Set Your Intention

I signed off yesterday saying that today would be a good day. I woke up in full recognition of that intention. Within an hour of rising up, I was doing yoga on Mission Beach, just a few feet from the lapping waves.

The morning was overcast, and with the sound of passing cars, I wondered if perhaps it was raining. Opening the blinds, I was relieved to see that it was perfectly dry. By the time I arrived at the park, the clouds were beginning to part. Soon enough, we were under brilliant sunshine, performing yoga against the waves and beneath the brilliant blue skies.

This was absolutely magnificent.

After practice, staring out at the waves, I noticed the blue hue of the Pacific almost mirroring the winter shade of the Atlantic. Except here, there was no frost, no ice, it was 65 degrees and we're on the beach in November wearing shorts, comfortable as could be. We sat, embracing the beauty. Then the beautiful girl to my left pointed to the water and stated, in an absolutely mundane fashion, "there's a dolphin." Sure enough, only about 50 feet away, a couple of dolphins were arcing through the water in front of us. I'd never seen a dolphin in the wild before today. I'll never forget it.

Now, the rest of my day couldn't match the beginning, but that would be hard to do. I am grateful for the majesty of this morning. I will use it as inspiration for a better tomorrow.


p.s. i wasn't on the beach this morning holding a camera with amazing shutter speed, that is a stock photo. Nevertheless, that is a pretty good representation of what I saw.

Reflection

A disapproving word renders one doubtful, like a cold fish leaves one feeling ugly. A person obstinate to logic makes you feel crazy, and a flawed system leaves you on a sinking ship. All the while, your distress signals go unheeded, and there you are adrift in the abyss. Of course, each of these things can be overcome, but there are the days where they pile up, bringing that positive outlook down below the ground, struggling for air. Sometimes it is better not to listen to anyone, especially if they have nothing positive to offer. And free advice is not always necessary, because if it is irrespective of the receiver's situation, it doesn't help either party.

Drove forty miles back through a thick fog that has settled over most of San Diego County. Since my iPod is still out of commission, it is quiet in my apartment. After vacuuming, I had some dark chocolate, organic peanut butter, and almond milk. Didn't get to work out today. Definitely thought a great deal about the present and the future. I have been all day.

I'm tired of people focusing strictly on wealth. Money is important, security is vital, but I'm tired of hearing people who focus on money above all else. Being told lately by more than one person that my goals will not pay the same way other things might is something I find redundant and rude. Yes, you can make six figures as a financial advisor. You can also make six figures as the CEO of a liquor distribution company. The Tye family (owners of United Liquors in Massachusetts) was one of the richest families in the state, and they were also one of the most charitable. You can make six figures (or much more) on a script. Of those three examples, no pursuit is mightier than any other, and none are mighty for the salary they command. You are supposed to love what you do. I came out here to find a pursuit that I love and develop a wonderful life, with great security, and a bright future. Somehow, I still get treated like I'm out here strictly to be a beach bum and piss away my life. I realize that I don't have shit right now, I'm not sure how I could be more forthright about it on this page. I'm still working, each and every day to make things brighter. I know that I have to struggle, but what was I doing before? I certainly wasn't flourishing. And I took the chance to change things for the better. It's ridiculous to think that I would know by now whether the move was right or wrong, it doesn't happen that quickly, and certainly not in this economy. I want a career. I want a house. I want a boat. I enough wealth to take care of all of my friends and family. Yes, I'm behind, and nobody knows that more than me.

The bigger point is, there is no life without love. Love in what you do, love in who you are, and love for those you cherish. On days like today, I feel extremely alone. But this is not a feeling that was alien to me before I came here. At times I felt just as alone in the past, and that is another reason why I keep searching.

With all of that said. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.