Reflection

A disapproving word renders one doubtful, like a cold fish leaves one feeling ugly. A person obstinate to logic makes you feel crazy, and a flawed system leaves you on a sinking ship. All the while, your distress signals go unheeded, and there you are adrift in the abyss. Of course, each of these things can be overcome, but there are the days where they pile up, bringing that positive outlook down below the ground, struggling for air. Sometimes it is better not to listen to anyone, especially if they have nothing positive to offer. And free advice is not always necessary, because if it is irrespective of the receiver's situation, it doesn't help either party.

Drove forty miles back through a thick fog that has settled over most of San Diego County. Since my iPod is still out of commission, it is quiet in my apartment. After vacuuming, I had some dark chocolate, organic peanut butter, and almond milk. Didn't get to work out today. Definitely thought a great deal about the present and the future. I have been all day.

I'm tired of people focusing strictly on wealth. Money is important, security is vital, but I'm tired of hearing people who focus on money above all else. Being told lately by more than one person that my goals will not pay the same way other things might is something I find redundant and rude. Yes, you can make six figures as a financial advisor. You can also make six figures as the CEO of a liquor distribution company. The Tye family (owners of United Liquors in Massachusetts) was one of the richest families in the state, and they were also one of the most charitable. You can make six figures (or much more) on a script. Of those three examples, no pursuit is mightier than any other, and none are mighty for the salary they command. You are supposed to love what you do. I came out here to find a pursuit that I love and develop a wonderful life, with great security, and a bright future. Somehow, I still get treated like I'm out here strictly to be a beach bum and piss away my life. I realize that I don't have shit right now, I'm not sure how I could be more forthright about it on this page. I'm still working, each and every day to make things brighter. I know that I have to struggle, but what was I doing before? I certainly wasn't flourishing. And I took the chance to change things for the better. It's ridiculous to think that I would know by now whether the move was right or wrong, it doesn't happen that quickly, and certainly not in this economy. I want a career. I want a house. I want a boat. I enough wealth to take care of all of my friends and family. Yes, I'm behind, and nobody knows that more than me.

The bigger point is, there is no life without love. Love in what you do, love in who you are, and love for those you cherish. On days like today, I feel extremely alone. But this is not a feeling that was alien to me before I came here. At times I felt just as alone in the past, and that is another reason why I keep searching.

With all of that said. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.