Tuesday, September 28, 2010

More Frustration

Spanish group was a challenge. My Spanish certainly is not what it used to be, but there's also the fact that I'm in a forced situation. When I was in Mexico 2 years ago my Spanish flowed rather effortlessly. Not quite as easy with the situation tonight. But when people ask you if you're Brazilian when you speak Spanish it's hard not to be a little bit annoyed. Innocent question, but I expect better of myself and obviously I've just been lazy and adrift for far too long in my life and now here I am where everything is a struggle. I chose this, to see what I have to work on. The latest returns tell me I have to work on quite a bit. Improve my Spanish, improve my overall image, be able to hold my own in a fight, be ready to skillfully deflect other people and reframe situations. Frustrating. I used to think I was a pretty interesting person, now on a daily basis I get ample evidence to the contrary. I think, more often than not, I'm dealing with people who don't understand how to react to me, or haven't had enough interaction with people like me. Regardless, that's not their fault. And I need to figure out how to present myself in a palatable way to them or else it's going to be a pretty lonely, unsuccessful road. None of these thoughts are revelations, they've been on my mind for awhile now and, as I said, I needed to put myself in a situation where I am forced to change and improve myself for the better. I'm getting what I wished for. It's not very easy, but I'll figure it out and make myself better. The alternative certainly isn't very appealing.

On to tomorrow.

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