Had wanted to post some pictures of the past few days but for some reason the camera is saying that no files exist. I'm not sure they were all that great to begin with, but I'll see if I can resurrect them.
I'm in a slump. It stands to reason that things won't continue to be as frustrating, but I realize that I carry an aura of desperation that I don't want but can't really shake. This will pass, a job, even a simple little part time job for the moment will come way. Then a big time real job will follow. But it's not happening right now despite all my efforts and it's wearing on my mind and dimming my light. I realize this will pass.
Now that we have that revelation dispensed with, let's look at some positive things from the past few days.
On Friday night Tom, Jamie, and two of their friends took me out and even bought me a cake, complete with candles. I was very touched and surprised. And, as usual, aloof. I didn't even think to make a wish, but that was fine because, as usual, I didn't blow out all the candles.
Yesterday was pretty blue, but my mood brightened by the evening. The sky was overcast in the morning, then brilliantly sunny for two hours in the afternoon. When I made my way to the beach, it was overcast again. I did run into a couple of older ladies that I'd met in Xavier's on Thursday. They were visiting San Diego and it was fun to see them. They were leaving the beach because of the clouds and traveling out that evening. Funny that I bumped into them, I hadn't meant to take that path to the water.
I made it to Del Mar in time for the final race, so my admission for the show was only $6. I bought a ridiculously overpriced beer ($7.75) and the server sang to "Happy Birthday" to me after checking my id. This made me blush. I went over to the winners circle and looked at the horses. Then went out to the track. The bugler was playing "I Can See Clearly Now" unaccompanied on trumpet. It was absolutely beautiful, and the most stirring moment of the day. The race started moments later and, though I didn't have any money down, was riveted by the thrill of the action. I loved seeing the winning bettors exultations. It was the 6 horse that came in first. One frat type guy approaching thirty had bet on the winner and he bellowed out ,"6! SIX! with hope and tension crescendoing into delirious triumph.
The track then emptied out and a new onslaught of people flooded the infield. This was officially Reggae Fest, accompanied by an official beer fest, and within moments of the first note, it was an unofficial hemp fest. People were toking left and right, in a crowd mixed with kids, families, vagrants, students, and professionals young and old. But then again what do you expect, it's an outdoor reggae show in San Diego.
Jimmy Cliff is remarkably vibrant. Leaping and dancing throughout the performance, he radiated positivity, peace, and love. He looks as though he hasn't aged a day since bursting onto the scene with The Harder They Come. He played that, along with "You Can Get It If You Really Want It," "Many Rivers To Cross," and, of course, "I Can See Clearly Now." He didn't do any tunes from the Struggling Man album, but the set list was first rate and I was thrilled to see him. But, standing there on my own, consumed with emotion, I felt like an island unto myself. There were thousands of people all around, but we were on flat ground so it was hard to see, and it was impossible to hear the reactions of the audience in front of you. Many people were there simply to be outside and enjoy music, as opposed to being big Jimmy Cliff fans, but of course I'm happy that I went. I even found that I wasn't invisible when a young couple passed by me in the crowd and merrily told me I had a great hair and offered high fives and fist bumps. That was better than seeing the drunk college girl throw her beer at some skater dude. They obviously didn't get Jimmy's message of peace.
After the show I met The T Man at a bar in Encinitas. There was a country-rock quartet on stage and a lively crowd. A couple of older women were sitting near us and I began talking to them. They were sisters, both mothers and grandmothers. They had thought I was a Spaniard, but we had a wonderful discussion about the ebb and flow of life, seeking your dreams, and sharing the strength and beauty of family. On their way out, they both gave me hugs. Very nice.
Encinitas is about 18 miles north, and the drive back was a real drag. Joe Walsh's "In The City" came on in its entirety and, to my surprise, resonated with me very strongly. "The city streets don't have much pity." Ain't that the truth.
My flip flops from Venice Beach perished on my way back to Pacific Beach, so it was time to retire. I fell asleep easily and then was wide awake at 5am all the way until 9:30 am. I missed the yoga class I wanted to go to. Exhausted but awake, I wondered, "what now?" Now I just keep pushing on. It's a bad streak. It will come to an end.
Felt some excitement when I went out to watch the Red Sox game. That vanished in bottom half of the 7th inning when a close game went far out of reach. My waitress recognized me, and one her colleagues did the same the other night, so I am establishing some level of presence here, if only to cocktail waitresses.
As I walked along Garnet Avenue, I saw the participants of the free car show dispersing into the bars and restaurants. There was also a bikini contest, and those participants were gloriously included in the throng. Then came the main attraction, the cars. The General Lee (Dukes of Hazzard) and The Bandit's Trans Am (Smokey And The Bandit), my two favorite cars since childhood, drove by me, one after the other.
Still, my mind remained clouded over, and my body certainly felt no favors from the lack of sleep. A few errands accomplished, and I returned home to reflect. I'll summon the courage to go back out and visit the water. And tomorrow I will be one step closer to success.
No comments:
Post a Comment