Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Bermuda Triangle

Another day, another pyramid scheme. As I sift through listings and hearsay, all I can find is junk. It really is all about who you know and I don't really know anybody out here. I declined to follow through with the placement agency that wanted money up front for their services. I'm not paying any websites to use their classified listings (generally between $30-$100 per site). Almost every job that I do find a response from is a "be your own boss!" deal for some junk product (car parts, life insurance, satellite programming) that are all basically the same thing. Take out the phone and dial 'til you drop, otherwise no money comes in. There is no screening process for any of these jobs. If you'll do it, you've got it.

Today I went to La Jolla to inquire about a promotions job. Instead it was a 90 minute pyramid scheme presentation for a new line of wholesale energy drinks. You pay a membership fee, then agree to buy a case of the drink each month, get partnered up with other people in the club, receive $100 for everyone you get to enroll and make 4.5% off of your network's sales. The leader was a guy who made his money in home improvement before that market tanked, now he's planning to reap millions off of this. He's got a half million dollar party promotion truck, and a new partnership with a Japanese bar in La Jolla where he'll run events, giving away a certain amount of product understanding that the average person purchases 2-3 more units after getting the first one free. There were 12 guinea pigs there, and then he had 5 representatives who have all signed up in the past week and have already turned a profit. He was willing to answer any questions you had and, once he answered your question, his first question to you was, are you ready to sign up? If you were, he broke out the smile and was ready with a fist bump. If you weren't sure, he calmly stared you down and smiled and asked what further questions you had. This was obviously a bit of a hostage type scenario, get them to sign on the line which is dotted before they walk off the lot.

Despite the fee structure, the overall plan is actually something that appeals to me. I want to work in liquor distribution and usurp gold tequilas from the marketplace. Gold tequilas are actually liqueurs, not tequilas. They are a high fructose imitation. I want to replace them with a high quality, low cost brand of tequila so that anyone who wants a house margarita or shot is getting veritable tequila and not some approximation of it. These energy drinks are, purportedly, all natural. And the goal is to carve as big a piece as possible out of the burgeoning energy drink market. Everyone who's signed up has turned a profit in a matter of days, and the drink is going to take over San Diego and then all fifty states.

After one fish was on the hook, I politely made my way for the door, but I think I have a follow-up sales call coming my way any minute now. The meeting took place in a tiny little lounge with no clocks or natural lighting. When I emerged into the bright sunshine I saw that it was almost 11:40, and a meter maid was approaching my car. I'd been there for over an hour and a half, my car was parked in a one hour space. I tried to talk to the meter maid who had not even made out the ticket but still defiantly and dismissively went about it as I tried to plead my case. $40 and the cost of gas for a pyramid scheme.

I like energy drinks, I would represent one (we all saw Role Models, Minotaur anyone?). I didn't like this one. It tasted like watered down Orangina and has a ton of sugar in it. I like Red Bull and, though it is more artificial it tastes good and has a sugar free option, as do most other energy drinks. And, from what I've learned about artificial vs. natural flavors in food/beverage, they are the same horse by a different name. Moreover, I wasn't impressed by the cover story and magazine layout in some publication called, "Sell At Home," which is clearly a submission based periodical.

Last night I went downtown to follow up on resumes and go to another open call. The open call was at a club called Side Bar and they were ready for the masses. They had three, practically identical, 24 old babes in little dresses and big earrings waiting to interview each candidate in separate booths. They had no real questions, instead they presented a challenge. They had one position available, whoever had the best guest list (i.e., most pretty girls and/or who generated the most revenue) for tomorrow night would get the job. If you did get the job, the number of shifts you receive were based on the same challenge. You can work there if you can fill the place every night you work. This was clever. I made a few inquiries with my friends here, and one immediately heard back from a friend that had already hooked up another candidate with all of his contacts, "sorry, brah." I thought about going down to the beach today and asking passersby if they wanted to be on the guest list for tonight but decided I'm not doing it. It's just not what I'm looking for.

I know I can't be too choosy. I need a job. But today I've already wasted time and money on a pyramid scheme and now I need to get some things done in order to move tomorrow.

Last night I also went by a couple restaurants where I'd submitted applications. Got the cold shoulder.

I'm 32 years old. I don't have shit. I came out here to make my way. Right now I'm sifting through a lot of crap. The response I'll get for my disinterest is that I don't seize opportunities and am a follower, not a leader. I disagree. I'm experienced, intelligent, with a good head on my shoulders and if I see a good opportunity I'll know when to take it. So far, I haven't seen any good opportunities. But my eyes are wide open.

By the way, remember the guy I was supposed to meet yesterday from the pay up front placement agency? He never even emailed me back when I said that I could not make the meeting and also did not have any money at the moment to facilitate their services. No reply from him. What does that tell you?

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