Throw Caution To The Wind, Don't Do A Thing Half Way

Just discovered a rare compilation by Robert Palmer and UB40 called "Deep End." As my last act of August, wanted to share it. Hope you enjoy it. Pertinent lyrics...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFMJ2K9EE4Q&feature=related


Throw caution to the wind
Take a deep breath and jump right in
Too late to worry
Its sink or swim
Its feet first go in blind

Deep end
Dont do a thing half way
Jump in at the deep end
Go for it all
Dont wait

No time to hesitate
Opportunitys at the gate
The iron is hot
And its not too late
Take the bull by the horns

Deep end
Dont do a thing half way
Jump in at the deep end
Go for it all
Dont wait

Deep end
Dont do a thing half way
Jump in at the deep end
Go for it all
Dont wait

Throw caution to the wind
Take a deep breath and jump right in
Too late to worry
Its sink or swim
Its feet first go in blind

[rap]

Deep end
Dont do a thing half way
Jump in at the deep end
Go for it all
Dont wait

Deep end
Dont do a thing half way
Jump into the deep end
Go for it all
Dont wait

[rap]

Jump in at the deep end ...

8.31.2010

For anyone reading this now, it's September on the East Coast. But here's it's not yet 10:30, and August is my favorite month of the year, so it deserves full respect. My horoscope told me August would be ringing with clashes of good and bad. That I would be up one minute and down the next. Ultimately I agree.

One thing about August on the East Coast, the third week always brought a change in the light of the sky. Suddenly the blue was paler, the yellow light of sun began to wane. As soon as this change arrived, so did a burst of brisk days with cool wind and a preview of Fall. I always got so annoyed and depressed by that. Out here, I witnessed the same change in light, three weeks ago, much earlier than I'd ever seen it back East. At first I was a bit angry and frustrated by that, but the weather has not had any abrupt change. It's been steady. It is strange to me. As I've already reported, it is the coldest summer San Diego has ever experienced, and the water temperature is the lowest on record. There has been no feel of summer, though you can still see girls in bikinis every single day, in all kinds of places other than the beach, which is absolutely fantastic. But, aside from a few days here and there, it has not been hot. I was jealous today to hear of how hot it was in New England, and to have multiple friends tell me that they re-worked their schedules to head to the beach. I salute you, wave warriors, and thank you for the pictures.

The picture here is from dusk on Pacific Beach this evening. I did take a jog this evening and then a dip. But I saw a stingray a few feet away from me, so I didn't stay in too long. The fact that I watched some of Jaws 3 (atrocious) yesterday augmented my trepidation of the water.

My report for today: West Coast dentists. I've only been to one, so take it with a grain of salt. But I think I'm on to something here. This dentist is a former partner of my dentist in Boston, who has been fantastic. I was well accepted by the staff over the phone, and not 48 hours later had a folder of forms delivered to my door that had to be completed before my visit. They were almost as extensive as a college application. I arrived today, and was blown away. There was a Japanese rock garden in the foyer, I almost took off my shoes. When I entered, everyone in the office was bright and cheery and wearing matching uniforms, bright lime green shirts with chocolate brown scrubs. It was like an episode of Nip/Tuck.

I then was subjected to another round of questions but was frustrated that the most pertinent part of my questionnaire was not addressed (Q: "Have you ever had a bad dental experience?" A: "Yes, two. One was a sadist the other was a crook."). This office had every form of advanced technology, but nobody there seemed to know how to use it. I had to sit for photographs of my jaw line, my outer jaw line. I had to sit for photographs of my teeth and gums, which I then had to look at, and I wanted all of these super high-def, multi-pixel shots destroyed. Christ, good thing I shaved today. I didn't know I was auditioning for the lead in a 100 million dollar film.

Once I had to sit through the photos and x-rays twice, before the beginning of a cleaning when an assistant had the giggles rather than recording the info, I expressed some serious frustration to the hygienist. Good thing I did. After that, it was all smiles and support. Sometimes these candyasses out here forget that some people value their time and pay attention to the behavior of others. I have to say, after I spoke up, I was treated very respectfully and I received a tremendous cleaning, as well as three estimates on various cosmetic procedures I may want to consider at some point in the future. On my way out, I was given a gift bag, as if I had just attended the Emmys or some other bullshit awards show.

Thing is, I doubt it would be different in most other places out there, and they did a great job. The Boston connection paid off because the dentist realized I knew every big-wig he mentioned from Beantown, down to knowing what they preferred to eat and drink when they go out. Fortunately, the guys he mentioned were great people, I didn't have to feign affinity for any assholes. In the end, it was an experience, and I have the t-shirt to promote it.

Happy September, everyone.

Back In The Kitchen

Finally, a chance to cook.

Sunday Night

Hello, friends.

First of all, I thank everyone who reads this page. At this point, it's a bit self-indulgent and embarrassing to have such a long, drawn out, story of one. But I promise it will have a happy ending, and one that will be experienced in person, rather than on-line.

So tonight I resolved to stay in, cook, and watch the Red Sox. My father called me today to talk about movies, and life, and offer support, and the interesting thing is that right before that, I felt absolutely distraught. To remedy my mood, I went to the Bay, and it is no coincidence that he called me at that time. Whatever may have been said could not capture what that meant.

I collected a few new shells. I even broke my previous standard and picked up fragments of shells. There are some beautiful colors out here that I have not seen on the East Coast.

Went to the grocery store, got my wheat grass and retired home in time for the 8pm start, which here is 5pm. My car clock (and computer and phone) is still on East Coast time, and each day I feel inexorably tied to that time period, which honestly messes me up a bit.

Exhausted, I settled in to watch the game. Then Meg texted me. Meg is the most honest and true person I have met here. On the East Coast, you don't approach people haphazardly. If you do, you might end up in an altercation. Meg, originally from Texas, lives across the street, and is quite a remarkable and unique person. She is also a Yankee fan. So, even though she said she wanted to get out of the house, I knew she didn't want to come to my place to sit on the floor and watch the Red Sox while she waited for her girlfriend to get out of work. She was going to a happy hour in Pacific Beach. I knew the game would be on, so I met her there. She had some friends there, and they were good people. As you all should know, the game went from good to fiasco very quickly. I want John Lackey to reimburse me, and all of us, for all the time we have spent watching him. He can afford it. And I say this knowing that I have praised him on this page and, to my surprise, do believe he is a good guy and a good pickup, but tonight he cost us our season.

So, unhappy, I left this place, and decided to visit the Tiki Bar before heading home. There were four people there when I arrived. One of them was the owner, who is a great guy and a huge blues fan. He offered me his seat. I tried to refuse, he wouldn't let me. We talked about music, and in a very random corner of my knowledge (Stone Temple Pilots) he showed me a picture on the wall of him and the bassist, Dean Di Leo (one of the funniest names in music). They are friends.

I nursed my soda water and then all the musicians came in for open mic night. I knew most of them, and everyone was nice to me. But there was one, sixty something, wastrel looking dude with a bandana. With him, he had a posse of wastoid, dreadlocked surfers. Billy, a regular at Tiki from Connecticut turned to me and said, "how much do you wanna bet that this guy is awful." I told him that if he was good, I would be blown into the parking lot across the street.

Without a doubt, this guy was one of the greatest blues guitarists I've ever heard in my life. He played three tunes, and was absolutely electric. He meandered a bit during his solos, but continuously displayed incredible knowledge and chops when he was out there, which wasn't that often, he had discipline and rocked it out. For the rest of the time, you could close your eyes and swear it was Stevie Ray Vaughan. I say this without exaggeration or hyperbole. This guy was amazing.

I found myself in conversation with another man at the bar and he told me that he had discovered Dave, the guitarist, playing on the street in Ocean Beach a few days ago, homeless. The man I spoke to had promoted the band Kansas when he was younger. He heard Dave and promised him an audience. This was the first time he had played in front of a crowd in six years. He had been a professional musician before, but it ate him up and spit him out. He doesn't even own a guitar, he borrowed the one he played on tonight. Everyone of the (maybe 25) people tonight that saw him were riveted by his talent. I spoke to Dave for awhile, good guy. Crazy, but what a gift. And who wouldn't be crazy after all that. I'm only a few days away from crazy myself and I don't do anything.

Walked home under the light of the half moon. Earlier today I thought I would stay hidden from the world. Once I emerged, I found that I have established myself, in a very small sense, in a place in the world that has very much to offer.

Picturesque

If I had to use one word describe the weather here today, that word would be magnificent.

Here are some photos of the area around my apt.

Saturday

I resolved this morning to have a better day than yesterday, and that has certainly been the case. I still have the same problems I did yesterday, but who doesn't.

After making tea and doing stretches I ran along the Bay. My iPod crashed along the way, just after the first few bars of Genesis' "I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)." Didn't let a small thing like that frustrate me, and I continued along the Bay letting the elements envelop me. Made it over to the ocean and wished I had brought my trunks so I could go in and swim, nobody was by the water as it was overcast and only about 66 degrees this morning. Kept walking and found a place with wheat grass, even interacting with the owner and a gregarious patron who's a martial arts instructor. He was trying wheat grass for the first time. I encouraged him, but didn't stick around for his reaction. On the way back, I was startled out of my aloof stupor by a cheerful, "Hi!" I looked up and saw a 10 year old girl with beautiful aqua marine eyes cheerfully gazing at me as she and her family rode by on their bikes. She brought a genuine, warm smile to my face.

The ocean did its part to soothe my mind. And I then set off my other favorite refuge, the cinema. A real treat today, the amazing Vincent Cassel in Mesrine, outstanding film. For two hours I was in another time and place, and when I emerged, the world felt better than when I'd left it. That's why I love the movies.

--By the way, if you aren't familiar with Vincent Cassel for his acting you should still find him amazing, he's married to Monica Bellucci.

low point

Today was not a good day. No call backs, no interest, insignificant to the designs of the outside world. Clouds obscured most of the day. And the days are getting shorter.

It is the last Friday in August, two months ago I was in San Francisco with my dad. It feels like yesterday.

May today be the worst it gets. May each day, including this one, bring me closer to security. May tomorrow bring my ascension.

#111

Good day today.

Had a couple of legitimate phone interviews for salaried positions this morning. That's a step in the right direction. This afternoon I investigated a local catering company and it seems as though I can find work with them if I update my food/alcohol certifications. Of course, I still got blown off by two restaurants doing open calls. For one I wasn't even in the seat for a minute. I asked the guy, "That's it?" "Yeah that's it, man, this is really more so we can put a face to the name." Well, it would have helped if the guy had looked at me, shook my hand, or made any notes on the resume I gave him. Dickhead.

The best thing that happened to me today though was this. I went downstairs to do laundry and a tough looking guy (tattoos, shaved head, ripped) greeted me from the opposite staircase with a big smile. "I know you, man!" He said cheerfully. "Oh, yeah? Guess you've seen me around the building." "No, man. I know you from before. I was walking along the Bay with my son, and you came past us and said, 'hi, how are you.'" The fact that he remembered me and is somehow in my sphere made me feel fantastic. And that's definitely better than the guy at the convenience store on the corner who thinks I look like Richard Grieco. Random.

So as I walked from my car to the two restaurants holding open calls today, I noticed I was not alone. Yes, I was downtown, so there were people around, but everywhere I looked there were people just like me. To my left, my right, out of the corner of my eye, up in the distance, there they were, men and women dressed smart, holding resume folders, all headed to the same place. Personally, I think my orange tie, black shirt, and leather attache bag separated me, but it got me nowhere in the end. Oh well, at least I know what to expect at this point. To give you an idea of what this is like, watch the sequence below, it is scarily accurate.

Baby Steps

For the first time since I've been here, I did not use my car today. There actually was one other day when I did not use my car, that was the Sunday when T took me for my first surfing lesson, but we drove to La Jolla, so I disqualify it.

Today I did some laundry, walked the Bay to the ocean and hit the grocery store. Then walked back and made some dinner. My first meal was macaroni& cheese, seaweed salad, and blueberries. The mac & cheese certainly isn't the healthiest, but all you need to prepare it is some butter and milk, which can then be used for other purposes, so it's cheap. The seaweed salad was so I didn't feel too guilty about the mac & cheese.

While I was on the beach today I saw a couple kids approaching people to promote that energy drink from the pyramid scheme. I've noticed that they've had to change their solicitations for employment to be more representative of what they're doing. Good. I'm glad I'm not doing that.

It was supposed to over 90 today, but by the water it didn't come close. It was rather humid, but humidity here is nothing. While walking along the Bay an old Jewish man rode past me on his bike and said, "They call this 92 degrees?" I would say it was only about 77. And it was very breezy, at times, the temperature felt perfect.

I really like this house with the blue tinted windows, it looks almost like an aquarium. There are some incredible houses around here, nothing too grandiose but beautifully modeled with big windows and shining pools. One day, I'll own one.

Let's hope tomorrow brings more progress.

Yesterday's Sunset

These photos are from yesterday's sunset. I arrived at the ocean just after 7pm and watched the sun melt into the Pacific, an amazing transition that I've never seen before. i look forward to many more. No green flash, but the mix of colors in the sky and reflecting off the water was magical.

treading water

Win some, lose some, hold out hope for a brighter day. Had one totally bullshit interview for a marketing firm today. I sat there 45 minutes after the appointed time before this jackass comes in off his cell phone wearing a coral necklace and starts trying to qualify me. I wasn't about to let that happen so I opened up by asking him exactly what the position is and when I found out it was a guaranteed $500 a week for the first 6-12 months (working with a bunch of jokers like him) I thanked him for his time (which I shouldn't have since he disrespected mine) and was out the door.

After that, I went to my first official wine industry interview. Montesquieu, one of the oldest wine companies in the world, is looking for some new brokers. It pays slave wages for six months, and doesn't provide benefits during that time, but after that you end up getting significantly bumped up and taken care of. No surprise, they have a million applicants, but I know that I am one of the best qualified. For starters, I don't think I might love wine and make it a career, I do love wine and want to make it a career. And I can quote regions, varietals, preferences, etc. But we'll see if that gets me anywhere today. I know it will tomorrow.

Then I got back and replied to another interest feeler from a company that is in fact a recruiter. They do not charge for their services and are paid by the company but they still want a $29 screening fee up front before you get access to their database. I took the information and said I'd call back.

I was going to call this entry "One Step Up and Two Steps Back" but I felt that was overly negative. I had a wine interview today, that's progress.

Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Almost Full Moon

Tomorrow marks a full moon. I made a trip to the bay this evening just in time to see it's precursor coming to life. Great light, with the moon shining behind me and the sun setting in front of me. Walking the bay is very cathartic. It's a beautiful spot with all kinds of life around, beautiful homes, people jogging, walking their dogs, sunbathing, playing in the nearby parks. The closest Boston equivalent would be the Charles River, though this area here is much smaller. Each time I go down there, I feel good. Better than I felt before, and happy that I am where I am.

Fast Food--Wendy's

Times are tight, so when you try to scale down your food expenditure, you can find safe haven in fast food. Tonight it was Wendy's. Great burgers, pretty decent crispy chicken sandwich, and outstanding fries. I did forget to get a Frosty, and I am just as shocked as you are. Frosty's are the best. I've always found Wendy's to be very consistent, tonight was no exception. I'm still glad that I went running twice today.

Monday, back at it

Spending the day looking at the classifieds, making the necessary phone calls, and trying to motivate myself to exercise. I did get to have my first cup (and pot) of tea here today, and I find that very significant. When I look at these simple items, I can think back to their acquisition, which goes back years. Thanks to Norman for providing the pot, Mom for providing the kettle, Katerina for providing the tea, and Uncle Gene for providing the star presence on the cup. Love abounds.

Kitchen Supplies

Today I received a shipment of kitchen supplies from back East. All of this stuff has been lying in wait for just under a year now, so it feels good to be reunited.
Unfortunately, we had a few casualties. I think I removed all of the shards of glass from the kitchen floor.

Thank you Mom & Dad for the shipment.

A New Discovery From My Idol

Who needs ATB when you find stuff like this.

Robert Palmer, live cover of "Me! I Disconnect From You"

Been A Week Since I Moved In

After looking at my bank account, I eschewed the ATB show in favor of sticking close to home and saving my pennies. To be honest, I didn’t want to go through the charade. It’s a club show, had to be there by 10 and then sit through not one but two opening djs before getting to ATB himself. That means I would be there for two, two and a half hours, standing around by myself (granted, in sharp clothes) nursing $15 drinks. No thank you.

I decided to take a walk to see the green flash. On my way I ran into a new friend of mine, a guy who carries himself like the mayor of Pacific Beach, just great charisma. He was with an absolutely gorgeous California blonde, I would say they're both about ten years older than me. First of all, I was running into someone who knew me, how cool is that. Second of all, these people were so nice. They told me that that the green flash is rather illusory, like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. Mike said I could take 25 years, 365 days a year to try and see it and still never have it happen. He’s never seen it. Larissa has. Of course, she probably caused it when she was born. But she said it was already too late to make it.

I was grateful for the information, knowing I wouldn't feel bad not seeing it. Once again, I learned something new about this place. I walked for over an hour, ending up down at the ocean and realizing I need to buy a bike because it's senseless to be driving such a short distance. I never thought I would be looking to buy a bike. Funny how life is.

Pacific Beach, afternoon to evening

This is a twenty minute walk (along the bay) from my new pad.

Another Hump Day

So my hump day began with a decision, all commission based jobs can kiss my ass. I actually felt like I turned a corner today. Certainly, I strengthened my criteria, albeit with the understanding that in another couple of weeks I will resort to taking anything.
Saw a couple of good listings out there and sent out my cv and/or face with high hopes, no word back, but tomorrow is another day.

Back in Beantown, I would go to a Schezuan place each night after leaving the gym next door. It was a happy ritual, spending six dollars for terrific food to be enjoyed at home with some wine and the entertainment of the Red Sox playing about a mile away. There's a Chinese place not too far from and some days ago I resolved I would go there for the same dish, kind of a trial.

After inquiring on a job that proved fruitless, I watched the end of the Red Sox game at the first bar I came to in San Diego with the one and only Dantana. Though my recent visits there swore me off going to the place, tonight I had great service from an intelligent and kind bartender and a great conversation with the manager, who shares a love of baseball. I could have stayed but I resolved to follow my own intentions (funny how one can get away from such an obvious path). I made my way out and looked west to the ocean, which is only two blocks away and saw a magnificent sunset. Without any of my cameras or even my phone, I had to go down to see the pink hued sky, flecked with cotton, over a canvas of pale blue. It was gorgeous, and one I won't forget, regardless of the absence of physical evidence.

I went into China Inn, as planned. The food was not so great, very salty ( has this ever happened to anyone else at a Chinese restaurant?). I was wondering why I was there, questioning my path, until my fortune cookie arrived. I opened the vanilla cracker to reveal the scroll: SOON YOU WILL BE GETTING THE RECOGNITION YOU DESERVE. A moment later, I was in a discussion with the gentleman to my left. We had been on the same eating schedule without exchanging any conversation. But for the next hour we sat there. He was a professional photographer and native San Diegan that has found his muse in Baja California. We had a wonderful discussion and I soaked up his experiences, visions, and advice. I realized, that my conviction was right after all. I'll stop getting in my own way.

Simple Monday

I had intended to hit Carl's Jr tonight, but there wasn't one nearby the movie theatre. This cinema is closest to my new spot and, as I yearned for Carl's Jr, I refused to even consider the options in the nearby shopping plaza food court. I set off in the car and made concentric circles, but no suitable option presented itself. Seemingly in defeat, with only 20 minutes before showtime, I succumbed. Boy am I glad I did. I discovered Lightning Jack's BBQ. Not only do they have a great logo, it's dirt cheap! That massive pulled pork sandwich? $5.99. $1.80 for the sides. It was absolutely delicious and I was stuffed. Tiny little hole in the wall, alongside 4 other places offering different cuisines (Thai, Pizza, Indian, Greek). Another plus, got to sit outside. Perched underneath the half moon, a sandwich almost too big to hold in my hands, life is good.

And the movie in question, The Expendables, which totally kicked ass. Way to go, Sly!