Woke up very early this morning, after a very disruptive sleep. Felt lousy. It's been cloudy here all week long, today was not exception. I moved into the living room and thought about how I wasn't going to do anything today, that I was all alone and that nothing would happen. Of course I didn't like that thought. I didn't feel good, most likely from stress and lack of sleep. But I just kept telling myself that I have time, I have time, don't rush anything.
After a couple hours that included some intermittent sleep, I got up on my feet. Though I'd spent the morning pretty certain that I would blow off the audition I had scheduled for this afternoon, I suddenly decided that I was going to make it, even though I didn't have a second monologue memorized yet. I started to clean. I made tea. I moved the bed into a new spot, out from under the window. Checking my email, I saw I had some traction on from my resume sendouts. Looks like I have a couple interviews set up for next week. Bullshit commission based stuff, but both are one on ones and I figure it's worth the practice.
Though I'd picked out a second monologue a few days ago, I had yet to commit to memory, but I had read it over a few times. I figured I could use a section of the Blake scene in Glengarry Glen Ross as the back up. The more I was up and around, the better I felt. I practiced the two monologues sporadically as I went through my chores. With no iPod station, I was undeterred by music. Shaved, showered and kept reciting the speeches. Came out of the shower and put together a(n unimpressive) list of past acting credits. Went to a print shop in La Jolla to print out the resume and a self portrait I've had to use for a head shot. After that, onto San Diego State University.
I felt great. Comfortable, a bit excited. Parked in the garage and walked across the campus. People were very helpful directing me to the library. Once inside I took a minute to gather myself and then set off for the audition room. There were four kids holding the audition, director, producer, DP, sound editor. They all looked like children to me. Perhaps due to their context or out of naivete, they asked me what year I was. This made me smile. I was year 33, a solid decade past their arena. But they were all incredibly nice. The script was assigned to them, they'll use one day to shoot, one day for a back up, and then have two weeks to cut it together. I sat at a table across from them in this tiny corner room in the basement of the library, the digital video camera was up on a tripod in the corner. I did my two monologues, one seated, the other standing, and then did a read on some excerpts from the script. The DP filmed, the producer and sound editor watched, the director took notes, which were unobscured and maybe 20 inches in front of me. I glanced at his notes but didn't look too much in order to keep myself focused. He gave me some direction and had me do the excerpts a second time. They told me notices would go out in the evening. I thanked them for the opportunity and wished them the best of luck with the casting and the project.
Walked out and felt great. So glad I did not give into worry and doubt and waste my day wallowing in fear and frustration. Instead, I got out and made some stuff happen. Nothing will likely come of it, but I know that I did a good job. I have another audition lined up tomorrow. If I can't get interviews, I may as well try to get some exposure elsewhere. I'm still meeting people and going to different places. I'm tired of kicking around and standing in place. The fewer things I try, the fewer opportunities I give myself. Today proved to be a very good exercise. As Shakespeare said, 'the show must go on.'
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