Inspiration

Yes, life's a struggle these days. But I get to see this on my way home.

Cardiff By The Sea, CA, 11.20.2010.

All Wet

I hate umbrellas. They are a pain to carry around, are easily thwarted and destroyed by the wind, and are far too easily left behind once you've reached your destination. A few days before heading West, my girlfriend gave me an umbrella. Not just any umbrella. The coolest umbrella ever. On the outside it was a blue and white striped umbrella, but it had a strong, determined structure that wouldn't bend easily in the wind. And, on the interior, it had a print lithograph of Giselle Bundchen smirking in only her bikini bottoms. Now this is an umbrella. Of course, thinking I wouldn't be able to use it in sunny San Diego, I left it behind. I miss it. Could have really used it today, as it is still pouring out. I stopped to get gas and felt very at home getting pelted by wind streaked rain. Got back in the car and heard this absolutely fantastic song on the radio, fitting. It's a rainy Saturday.

November Rain

Waking up to a rainy day in San Diego. Legitimate rain, complete with wind, not just some heavy mist. ON the way home Thursday I heard a forecast on the radio calling for rain, which I found kind of novel out here. Though it is November 20th, I don't really feel that Thanksgiving is under a week away, and Christmas is next month. Even though for the past three weeks I have been working in shopping malls and, consequently, bludgeoned with Christmas music. Looking forward to going back to Beantown, I figure then it will click.

One Of Those

Went to put new sheets on the bed this morning. Apparently the spare set shrank in the wash and, rendered useless for its rue purpose, has been ripped up for its new duty as a collection of floor cleaning rags.

Sat down to update the new iPod with the resurrected computer. The iTunes library, comprised of over 1000 albums all sitting 3000 miles away, is temporarily lost.

Went to the grocery store to pick up some produce for the infotainment presentations. The required cantaloupes were out of stock.

Needing quarters for the laundry machine, went into San Diego Credit Union. Upon entry I was forced to remove my hat. Then I was told that, as I did not have an account, quarters would not be provided in exchange for cash. Consequently, SDCU will never be my local bank.

Went across the street to the laundromat to exchange my ten for quarters. The machine interred my bill then spit it back out. I went to withdraw it but the machine wouldn't let it go. Suddenly I had half of the ten dollar bill.

Went next door to the dry cleaner to explain my situation. Initially I was told there was nothing they could do. A quick articulation of the situation beckoned a manager who, after taking a phone call, accepted the ripped ten and provided me with two fives. Back next door to the other change machine, quarters at last.

A run on the bay helped relieve some of the anxiety.

Let's see how the rest of today goes.

Take The Good With The Bad

I spent yesterday morning doing yoga on the beach. I spent this morning standing in line at the DMV. I was there for two and a half hours.

Yesterday was better.

Set Your Intention

I signed off yesterday saying that today would be a good day. I woke up in full recognition of that intention. Within an hour of rising up, I was doing yoga on Mission Beach, just a few feet from the lapping waves.

The morning was overcast, and with the sound of passing cars, I wondered if perhaps it was raining. Opening the blinds, I was relieved to see that it was perfectly dry. By the time I arrived at the park, the clouds were beginning to part. Soon enough, we were under brilliant sunshine, performing yoga against the waves and beneath the brilliant blue skies.

This was absolutely magnificent.

After practice, staring out at the waves, I noticed the blue hue of the Pacific almost mirroring the winter shade of the Atlantic. Except here, there was no frost, no ice, it was 65 degrees and we're on the beach in November wearing shorts, comfortable as could be. We sat, embracing the beauty. Then the beautiful girl to my left pointed to the water and stated, in an absolutely mundane fashion, "there's a dolphin." Sure enough, only about 50 feet away, a couple of dolphins were arcing through the water in front of us. I'd never seen a dolphin in the wild before today. I'll never forget it.

Now, the rest of my day couldn't match the beginning, but that would be hard to do. I am grateful for the majesty of this morning. I will use it as inspiration for a better tomorrow.


p.s. i wasn't on the beach this morning holding a camera with amazing shutter speed, that is a stock photo. Nevertheless, that is a pretty good representation of what I saw.

Reflection

A disapproving word renders one doubtful, like a cold fish leaves one feeling ugly. A person obstinate to logic makes you feel crazy, and a flawed system leaves you on a sinking ship. All the while, your distress signals go unheeded, and there you are adrift in the abyss. Of course, each of these things can be overcome, but there are the days where they pile up, bringing that positive outlook down below the ground, struggling for air. Sometimes it is better not to listen to anyone, especially if they have nothing positive to offer. And free advice is not always necessary, because if it is irrespective of the receiver's situation, it doesn't help either party.

Drove forty miles back through a thick fog that has settled over most of San Diego County. Since my iPod is still out of commission, it is quiet in my apartment. After vacuuming, I had some dark chocolate, organic peanut butter, and almond milk. Didn't get to work out today. Definitely thought a great deal about the present and the future. I have been all day.

I'm tired of people focusing strictly on wealth. Money is important, security is vital, but I'm tired of hearing people who focus on money above all else. Being told lately by more than one person that my goals will not pay the same way other things might is something I find redundant and rude. Yes, you can make six figures as a financial advisor. You can also make six figures as the CEO of a liquor distribution company. The Tye family (owners of United Liquors in Massachusetts) was one of the richest families in the state, and they were also one of the most charitable. You can make six figures (or much more) on a script. Of those three examples, no pursuit is mightier than any other, and none are mighty for the salary they command. You are supposed to love what you do. I came out here to find a pursuit that I love and develop a wonderful life, with great security, and a bright future. Somehow, I still get treated like I'm out here strictly to be a beach bum and piss away my life. I realize that I don't have shit right now, I'm not sure how I could be more forthright about it on this page. I'm still working, each and every day to make things brighter. I know that I have to struggle, but what was I doing before? I certainly wasn't flourishing. And I took the chance to change things for the better. It's ridiculous to think that I would know by now whether the move was right or wrong, it doesn't happen that quickly, and certainly not in this economy. I want a career. I want a house. I want a boat. I enough wealth to take care of all of my friends and family. Yes, I'm behind, and nobody knows that more than me.

The bigger point is, there is no life without love. Love in what you do, love in who you are, and love for those you cherish. On days like today, I feel extremely alone. But this is not a feeling that was alien to me before I came here. At times I felt just as alone in the past, and that is another reason why I keep searching.

With all of that said. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.